He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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