im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
