It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
