As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
