He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
FUCK WHALES
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