We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
