She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
