We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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