We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
