you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
