new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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