lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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