pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
