my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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