I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
