please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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