One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
