He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
