Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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