He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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