y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
