I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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