I think I am morally bankrupt
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
