i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
