everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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