kristin has been a bad kristin
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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