i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
