why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
