I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
