Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
