you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
