She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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