1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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