Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
