last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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