so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
