It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
