Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
