we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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