K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
