you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize