Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
