Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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