dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
