why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
