You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
