thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
