If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you had me at cake vodka
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
