OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
