My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
