would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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