I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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