he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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