I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
