I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
