You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
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I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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