My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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