just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.