rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just cut my nipple shaving
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..