Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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