Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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