Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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