so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.