No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.