Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
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heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic