I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
