Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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