from now on my penis is your penis
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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