The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
