So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
