he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
