whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
