Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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