oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
