peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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