alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
