i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
