dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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