i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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