I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
