I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
